Okay so I am just going to be doing a life update. Honestly, I don't know where I am at. My mind is pressuring me to quicken the pace of moving on. I really can't though; it is not easy to get over. It isn't that I love her the same, but the sentiments are evidently there. But that isn't my only problem. Bad thoughts are interfering with everyday life. I don't care if I die right now. I don't mind my afterlife. If I am a decent person, I go to heaven. If I suck at being human, off to hell I go. I'm like a rat trapped in a maze. I am fully aware that I'm healthier, but at what cost? And how long will it take for me to completely relapse? Life won't get easier, but I wish I could find a motive to live because I have none. Friends and family are comforting in the meantime, but I don't really share how I personally feel like back then.
Then again, I wanna get healthier. I want to live the moments when I felt the freest. The wanting of letting my wings soar from the past. I want to detach from my parents. Detach from love. Detach from putting a daily facade. Detach from life. Can I ever be myself. I don't want to worry how dumb I sound all the time or fear any reason I may have dissapointed someone. I am free. But I miss when the pain felt reassuring.

✧:･ﾟ( ̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:̲̅]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅ ) ･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ( ̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:̲̅]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅ ) ･ﾟ✧

THERESA: "Hold on a minute. My anxiety's just about to kick -- where did it go wrong? You taste different. It's nothing like before, yeah what's missing? I liked it when it hurt. Doing my best, stick around, but when you're broken like me, you gotta get out. Feel me now? And it's nights like this when I'm on my own. Realize that you'll never feel like home. Now I can feel you now. Yea I try my best to stick around, but when you're broken like me, you just gotta get out. Now you feel me now. *Awesome nostalgic beats* Hold on a minute! My anxiety's just about to kick in -- where did it go wrong?.. You taste different... it's nothing like before, yeah what's missing? I liked it when it hurt. I played with fire and I got burned, burned."
OLI: "Death-defying decisions are the only ones that make my temple glisten, so play me like a xylophone hmm hmmm. I'm sorry but you got it twisted. I don't mind the heat; it's the kitchen. Now I'm in my comfort zoneee oooohh. So I try my best to sing along, but when I'm put up on the spot, I get it w-wr-wrong."
THERESA: "Moments we shared, I only ever see them in my nightmares.. Don't wanna wake up. We existed. You gave me reason for our living. You set me on fire. You set me on fire~ I'm somewhere else. I am somewhere else. I want suffering again. I'm somewhere else. I want suffering.. again. *Que the amazing beats* Moments -- can you feel me now? And it's nights like this when I'm on my own. And I realize that you'll never feel like home. Now I can feel you now. And I tried my best to stick around, but when you're broken like me you just gotta get out. Now you feel me now. And I tried my best to stick around, but when you're broken-- *Beep!!*"